Rekindle the Spark

Sexuality is an integral part of our lives. It is not just an expression of passion, but also a tool for enhancing intimacy, trust and emotional connection between partners. As such, sexuality deeply reflects the connection between body and soul. As the years pass, many couples experience a decline in sex drive and frequency of intimacy for various reasons: hectic schedules, raising children, financial concerns, changes in health and body image - all of which can affect sex drive and the quality of intimacy between partners.

Psychotherapist Hadas Porat, a certified sexual health counselor and therapist at the Sexual Health Clinic of the Urology Department at Hillel Yaffe Medical Center, states that there is a direct and profound connection between declines in sexual desire over time and our perceptions of sexuality, as well as how we educate teenagers about the subject. "We talk to them about the importance of caution in sexual activity and the consequences of unprotected sex. Obviously, these are important topics, and it is crucial to encourage them to express their own needs and desires. However, in most cases there is no discussion about pleasure. As a result, many of us grow up learning that pleasure is not something worth investing in," Porat said.

It is important to understand that a certain decrease in passion is natural, but it is not inevitable, nor does it mean couples have to make peace with it. As noted above, a healthy and satisfying sex life goes far beyond physical pleasure. It plays a central role in strengthening and maintaining a couple's relationship, improves overall health and positively affects quality of life. Research shows that physical touch, including sexual intimacy, triggers the release of oxytocin ("love hormone"), which enhances feelings of closeness, trust and emotional connection. Additionally, sex allows partners to express love, desire and mutual acceptance even without words, creating a sense of security and belonging.

Couples who engage in sexual activity at a reasonable frequency report a stronger and deeper relationship as well as a sense of mutual fulfillment that meets both partners’ emotional needs. Generally, when emotional communication is strong and there is intimacy, other aspects of life also improve.

Another benefit of sexual activity is its positive impact on physical and mental health. Sexuality bolsters the immune system and reduces stress and anxiety. During orgasm, the body releases endorphins, which enhance mood and alleviate tension and anxiety. Sexual activity also contributes to better sleep and may help maintain normal blood pressure levels. Additionally, sexuality improves self-confidence and self-image, as people who feel desired and wanted by their partners tend to develop a more positive outlook about themselves.

Hug every day. Photo: Cottonbro Studio, Pexels

So how can you maintain a satisfying sex life in a long-term relationship?

Choosing your relationship and sexuality: The fact that you have chosen to live together is not enough. Choosing your relationship and sexuality means actively investing in your connection, paying attention to one another, and celebrating your relationship:

• Try to go to bed together several times a week - studies show that couples who go to bed at the same time experience more intimate moments that may lead to sexual encounters. Go on regular dates - you should set aside a fixed night each week dedicated to your relationship, whether at home or outside. The key is that it should be defined as such and that you put your phones away.
• Hug each other every day - a 30-second hug a day releases oxytocin and strengthens feelings of closeness and security.
• And if your sex drive is lacking, explore different motivations for intimacy and remain open to the possibility that desire may arise through sexual activity.

Communication! Effective communication allows your needs and desires to be heard. Agree to be vulnerable and open with your partner. There is nothing more intimate than that. Open sexual communication allows you to express what you need or want without fear of criticism or rejection. When your needs are met, there is less room for negative emotions like jealousy, frustration, neglect or resentment.

Variety: Who said that sexuality in long-term relationships has to mean predictable and boring? Explore ways to spice up your sex life - whether through surprising settings, positions, toys, fantasies or more. Change up your regular sex routine. Jazz things up anyway that excites you. Sex and eroticism thrive on playfulness, and when intimacy feels like a game, it never gets boring or tiring.

If you still feel that intimacy and emotional closeness and security have faded and struggle to reignite them on your own, consider seeking sex or couples therapy to help create a better level of intimacy and create a new and more fulfilling experience.

To contact the Sexual Health Clinic at Hillel Yaffe, call: 04-7744724